That's Life

The holidays have come and gone and now everyone I know is back to their routines while I am left to decide what my future will look like until I depart for the World Race.  I knew that returning from Haiti would present challenges, especially coming back to America during the Christmas season.  Had it only been for the reverse culture shock, I think I would have done reasonably well.  However, a lot of other things happened very quickly and I got to a point where I felt like I couldn't take anymore.

Talking things out with a friend I remember saying how excited I was to be going on the World Race...how I felt like this was the direction I needed to be heading....how I think God is going to teach me so much through it....and how I almost expected things to be a challenge since the roller coaster of life seems to take the largest fall after we're on top of the world.  I remember thinking, "Ok, I can see things happening that are going to challenge my attitude and my decision to go on this mission trip."  Looking back, I realize that I had put things into two categories....things that were ok to be challenged, and things that I relied on to heavily for them to be messed with.  Well, if you want to render someone ineffective, you challenge the latter of those two options....and that's what happened.

Relationships fell through, other changed considerably, things I relied on and put hope in have proved only to be temporary.  And while all this was happening I knew God was saying, "You still have a choice.  Will you let this take you out of the game, or will you rely on me and continue to move forward?"  To be honest, I felt like I didn't want to continue.  I wanted to get mad at people, to say that life had dealt me a raw deal, that God didn't care what I was going through.  But the more I thought about this option, the more I realized I'd regret it in the future.  I knew that swallowing my pride and trusting God may not be the easiest choice, but it would be the only decision to bring joy back into my life.  It has been hard and a continual struggle to trust God, but I am so grateful God gave me the insight to see what was going on.  If this life lesson had to come, I'm thankful it came when it did.  To have my family and close friends near-by, for them to be patient and let me work through my emotions, and to have their support, has been an amazing gift.

On another note, I'm currently in Cincinnati trying to catch up with old friends and raise support for the World Race.  Raising support has proven to be quite the challenge and a humbling experience.  I know God will provide everything, but He also doesn't mind making me a little uncomfortable in the process.  Thank you to everyone who has been praying for me and for giving to the ministry I'm a part of.  It has been great to see college friends and the hospitality I've encountered reminds me why I love the people here.  I'm still trying to determine what I'm doing for the next few months, but I'm enjoying time with friends while I figure everything out.